Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse after today, my blog just deleted itself with one paragraph to go. I’m sitting in a friends kitchen in I believe Austin, Texas. I’m trying to piece this blog back together at I believe 11:17pm, which time zone I have no idea. For the first time ever in my comedy career (6 years, 2 full time), I actually said “I wish I just had a cubicle job.” That of course was quickly followed by a “snap out of it.” You see with the luxuries of making your own schedule, sleeping late, working one hour a night, and traveling to fun places, comes the occasional day like I had today. Canceled flights, annoying passengers, baggage fee’s, and even a broken pair of sunglasses. For starters this is the eleventh out of the last thirteen days that I have been on the road. My only two “days off” were spent scrambling for a fight home as I was announced one of the Top 5 Finalists! Then it was back on a plane the next morning.
Florida was an amazing success! Sold out shows, days on the beach, hanging out with Hooters girls, and working with talented comics…Did I mention Hooters girls? That was followed by a great show at Clemson University, and dinner with an old friend. That was quickly followed by today (also known as “The day from Hell.”) please enjoy that it was not you on this journey, and feel free to insert your own OMG’s, and curse words.
Monday 7:39pm- due to a flight delay I’m forced to sprint across the Clemson University campus to my show starting in 21 minutes.
Monday 9:29pm- meet with several friendly students afterward, who truly enjoyed the show.
Monday 9:48pm- finish signing close to 50 t-shirts for some of the students in attendance!
Monday 11:15pm- wrap up dinner with fellow Cranston neighbor, and Clemson grad student Ryan Schkoda.
Tuesday 2:43am- head hits the pillow.
7:00am- head rises from pillow, head hurts, head to the airport.
8:27am- arrive at Greenville airport in South Carolina.
9:23am- realize flight is canceled, buckle up here comes the crap storm.
9:45am- “Matthew”, an annoying older gentleman at the help desk, basically tells me I’m up the creek.
9:58am- “Lynaye”, tells me I am definitely up the creek.
10:11am- “Mary”, confirms I have no paddle for this creek and I am forced to buy a $292 ticket with a totally different airline.
Let it be known that I will no longer be flying this particular airline. Without saying the name it is very similar to British Airways, except I was in the US. (figure it out)
11:04am- passed out cold on the floor of the airport.
Noon- wake up and board my flight, guess what, we are running late.
12:07pm- annoying passenger #1
So I’m angry and tried, not to mention $292 lighter in the wallet. The guy in front of me takes 10 minutes to put his bag in the overhead, then sits on his arm rest blocking the aisle. SITS ON HIS ARM REST!!!! I stand there heavily breathing as if to say, “sit down or you sir are gonna get stuffed in the over head compartment with your $6 Wilson gym bag.” The only thing that kept me sane was a real Texas cowboy type guy (think Earl Hathaway, the man Kramer bets with at the airport during a Seinfeld episode). He had the vest and the cowboy hat and his eyes basically said to me, “I hear ya kid, being out in public just ain’t for everybody.”
12:17pm- get to my seat to discover a horrible smell.
12:18pm- man next to me wolf’s down the last of his tuna fish and hard boiled egg sandwiches.
12:19pm- the quote. He says “I’m gonna be getting up a lot to help them out.
“To help them out” I turn around to see the last two living human beings during the Civil War staring right back at me. The man is wearing his sandwich on his chest, and the woman has no idea she is even on a plane. Tommy Tuna jumps over me to assist, (as he said he would be doing). I get up and look for another seat.
12:47pm- we are finally in the air but I can’t doze off because the new seat I chose is next to Sniffle’s McGee. This guy snorted, sniffled, and sneezed for the entire two plus hours. If I had been in the emergency exit row I would have exited rather abruptly.
2:35pm- touchdown in Dallas, sprint to my next gate.
3:05pm- board my plane and have a violent Mexican standoff for the arm rest with a rather strong and rather persistent 72 year old woman.
3:07pm- she wins, I fold my arms on my chest.
3:11pm- my suduko and crossword puzzles are both filled in already in my inflight magazine.
3:19pm- my back is killing from the airline seats, I bust out the blackberry and play Brickbreaker.
3:28pm- I am absolutely furious! Up to level 7 and no “lives, catch’s, multi’s, or even long’s! I’ll settle for a “wrap” for crying out loud. Nothing but “flip’s”.
3:29pm- brickbreaker goes off, we begin to land.
7:30pm- the highlite of my day. Having a steak with my friend Matt, I believe in Austin, Texas, I believe in the Central Time Zone, I believe in the USA.
11:19pm- the computer erases my blog half way thru, I curse like Joe Pesci in Goodfella’s for twenty minutes.
Wednesday 12:08am- I type this line!!!! I’m almost done.
And that was the terrible travel day I endured. Tomorrow it will all be forgotten when I perform at Texas State University in front of over 500 students. As long as they don’t sit on the arm rests and block the theater aisle’s, eat tuna sandwiches mid show, charge me $292 to walk on stage, or snort, sniffle, and sneeze during all my punchlines, then I think I’ll be just fine……although stranger things have happened in the world of show business.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:36 pm by Ben Hague under General Talk
